Signs and Symptoms of Bipolar (Part One)

Please Note:
I am not a doctor or health care professional. I am an expert of my own Disorder. I write to encourage fellow travelers on this path we call Bipolar and those who love them. Do not take my counsel as medical advise, but seek out professional help if you find anything that I have written rings a bell.

Living with Bipolar Disorder, no matter what the degree, is a challenge.
Part of it is just knowing what the signs and symptoms are.
Am I Bipolar? Or do I have a Borderline Personality Disorder? Do I have demons?
Or am I just a mean, nasty, hateful sorry excuse for a human being who has decided to make everyone around me just a miserable as I?

The symptoms themselves makes it sometimes hard to know if this is just a deep depression or a depression disorder. While many of the signs are common, many are not.
These include:

• Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic or extremely irritable
• Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
• Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
• Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
• Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
• Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
• Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
• Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
• In serve cases, delusions and hallucinations.

There was a time, many years ago, when bipolar depression was just another form of depression, they were all part of the same lump.
But thankfully there has been and continues to be a growing body of research that proves that there are significant differences between regular depression and bipolar, especially in terms of treatment.
Years ago, I was placed on Prozac, along with clinical hypnosis. It actually worked.
 For a time.
But like most Bipolar Bears, I found I wasn't really helped by antidepressants. In fact, I found myself having more mood states, highs and lows, so that after trying several different medications, I just stopped taking them and with the skills from therapy under my belt, I did just fine for many years.
Or so I thought.
Now we know that antidepressants can actually trigger manic or hypomanic stages. I didn't realize until a few months ago that the medication caused in my case rapid cycling, causing even my own head to spin. In my case, I found myself  singing Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds over and over again, driving my family nuts. It was even so bad that I was singing the song in my sleep.
The right combination of medication and therapy, plus a good support base as well as a good sense of humour is key in being stable and maintaining a healthy state.
In my case, that is having a very loving and supportive husband and mother, our little Monti and a amazing, caring term of mental health workers committed to helping me have the best life possible.
More tomorrow.


 

A-Z OF FAMOUS PEOPLE WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER

So, what is Bipolar Disorder?
In a nutshell, Bipolar is:

"A mental disorder marked by alternating periods of elation and depression," While that is a very simple answer, it isn't even the tip of the iceberg.  However, I prefer how the NIH (National Institutes of Health) defines Bipolar: "Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives." Most expects agree that Bipolar disorder often develops in a person's late teens or early adult years. At least half of all cases start before age the age of twenty-five. Some people, like myself, have their first symptoms during childhood, while others may develop symptoms late in life. It isn't uncommon, therefore, to find older people in their sixties and seventies who develop the disorder with the onset of a serious illness. Bipolar disorder is not easy to spot when it starts. We know that there is something wrong, but cannot put our finger on it. I know in my case, childhood, which should be the happiest times of our lives, I was often moody and gloomy, wishing for the Rapture to come at any moment so I could go to heaven. What child at five years old wishes to die? I did.  The symptoms may seem like separate problems, not recognized as parts of a larger problem. Teenagers who begin to show symptoms are often pegged as being "moody" "difficult" and rebellious." Which this is sometimes the case, most teens are pretty happy and looking forward to their future, not wanting to die and end their pain. Twenty and over are the ones that the changes are the most dramatic; liken to flipping a switch, the young person seems to change from day to night.  Some people suffer for years before they are properly diagnosed and treated.  In my case, I just learned to accept my dark moods and period and be thankful when my moods matched the meaning of my name, which means "Sunshine." It wasn't until my late twenties, when I sought help, when I learned that I wasn't "Moody." I was Manic Depressed and there was treatment for this disorder. Several years later, the disorder was renamed Bipolar, which was more fitting. Several years after that, the expects began to break the disorder into different levels. Bipolar I and II being the most common. More about that later. For about ten years, I did very well living Bipolar. I didn't even need to take the medications. Or so I thought. Oh, I would go for counseling from time to time. But I figured, being a person of faith and now for the most part a pretty happy person, I had the Bipolar Bear under control. Little did I realize, she was just waiting for the right moment to reappear. Four months ago, my old friend returned.

I Hate Roller Coaster

It is said that being Bipolar is like a roller coaster trip. First it is a slow climb up, levels off and a rapid drop. And just as you think your about to hit the ground, there are several quick screw turns before it begins the climb back upwards, before the pattern repeats itself. And then there are the lovely tunnels you zip through where everything goes black for a few seconds, only to get hit in the face with bright sunlight.
After what seems like two life times, the car slowly returns to its starting point and allows you out, knowing full well you left your stomach somewhere up in the clouds.
Except with Bipolar, you never leave the car; it is one long Roller Coaster and then you go to heaven.
And pray there are no Roller Coasters in heaven.
I hate Roller Coasters. Even my beloved husband couldn't get me on one.
Maybe because just looking at the ride reminds me what it feels like inside my body, what it feels like in my mind.
That's why I like Merry-Go-Rounds. Nice. Steady. Slow.
Boring.
At least I don't throw up.